I am so glad to be in the house of God today.
Heart of God church- forever I will stay.



Thinking back, I have been in church since Easter's service, that is like almost 5 months ago.
This 5 months, it wasn't an easy walk.Having to handle schoolwork,fellowship with new church friends,followup..5 months and I've got my own ups and down.

I cannot remember how I came to know God, but things just fall in place when I know I need to go back to service every week.It isn't a routine, It is a rhythm. I remember doubting God, doubting whether He's really there, doubting the kindness of people in church.One thing alleviated me from that situation,that is,faith.
Faith is such an abstract word, so simple and yet difficult to explain.A 5month Old christian would define it as"believing in what you believe in,even if it is something you cannot see at the present"

For me, I started believing in God-bit by bit-then learning how to believe in the God I believe in.
It's not just believing that He is God,we are not (what a cliche) , but rather after coming to Christ, I choose to believe He has a purpose for me in life,He has got plans for me,whatever doubts that are within me,I took the faith to believe sooner or later, God is going to clear my doubts.

One really important verse in the Bible, John 3:16 that goes,
" For God so love the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life"

before I was saved,
I cannot understand what's with the everlasting life, the difference between Holy spirit,Jesus,and God.
I think Christians are all crazy people-crazy over this God of theirs called Jesus Christ. -_-

To me, Christianity is nothing more than a cross being put up on stage.Haha, but 5 months is all I need to proceed to my next level of spiritual life, to touch the tip of the ice berg in this new relationship with God. God love us all, that He gave(not just sent, but gave)His only son to redeem me and my everlasting life would be to spend my days happily in Heaven and coming to know God :) God moves in different ways in different people's lives.I would say that I am a more happy person than before, more sociable, more accountable for my actions and learn to express my gratitude and love towards all my friends and families.




And, I dunno why, but I really don't believe Jesus look like angmo leh.
it's the media that portrays Christ as so, but it can't be that God has a race?


I still remember the time i used to tear during service worship,God's presence is just above all.So glad I went to church :)



A resounding lesson learnt: Have an open heart and fret not,I love my life now with Christ in it,because I can finally see life as a bigger picture.One thing I will never regret, is to love God with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength.

I thank Thee, Lord, for sleep and rest,
For all the things that I love best,
Now guide me through another night
And bless my work and bless my play.
Lord, make me strong for noble ends,
Protect and bless my loving friends;
Of all mankind good Christians make.
All this I ask for Jesus' sake. Amen.

Good night people:)

The Book of Ruth

I guess every time I am required to write something I will unknowingly turn it into an essay. haha opinions and thinking should be fully developed if not it's not meaningful yeah?

I read the Book of Ruth with my focus on 2 person- Naomi and Ruth.(well, THEY ARE the "main leads"?)

Naomi

In Ruth 1:13," ...that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me"
in Ruth 1:20 "Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.
However, in 2:20 , Naomi said,"Blessed be he of the Lord, who has not forsaken to the living and the dead!"
When things seem bitter and difficult, does it mean God is against us? Maybe there's a plan..God's plan? well, the Bible tells us that the God always have the best plans for us, and certainly being God, He does not need to inform us about His great plans.See things in positive light per se, is that Faith?I ponder.
What I learned from follow up lessons, an important verse in Psalms 34:1 that says "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth."
I now know, I should bless the Lord at all times, not only when I feel blessed by the Lord.
Naomi certainly reminded me to thank God for not only the good, but also the bad things in life.

in Ruth 1:21 " I went out full. and the Lord has brought me home again empty."
This verse just totally clicks with the desert song's lyrics that goes" I know I am filled to be emptied again.."
and the thing that Naomi is to do was actually found in that same song "..the seed I received I will sow"
Filling us up, emptying us again. Is this the rhythm Pastor How was referring to? such that God can use us in different ways, in greater ways in time?



RUTH

Ruth3:5 " And she said to her,"All that you say to me I will do"


I admire Ruth's loyalty towards her mother-in-law, the book did not really go into the love shared between Ruth and her husband Mahlon, but not just being respectful during the presence of her husband, her heart of Obedience and loyalty towards Naomi did not just dissolve and fade after Mahlon died.
That brought me to a point,(which is quite no-link?) seeing things through this particular prism, If a women can stay loyal to a women of no real blood relationship, then shouldn't we be even more loyal to the Father who gave us all? If Ruth stays obedient to Naomi because she trusts her, is there reason why we should disobey the Lord? I believe trust and obedience will reap good things in life, just as how Ruth eventually lead a better life.




A short 4-chapter book from the Bible, this is what I feel and what I derived.
Praise to be the Lord:)
Amen.

我已經相信有些人我永遠不必等
所以我明白在燈火闌珊處 為甚麼會哭

CREDITS: http://purefancy.blogspot.com/


"Infatuation"

Those first few glances irked me
but when you drew closer, I saw that gleam in
those eyes, those understanding windows,
a turbulent rush of emotions,
sorrow amongst many, windows
to another entity altogether.

You remind me of someone
I once knew.

But people tend to like the same kind of people,
not for the people they once knew.

Those defined jaws of strength, and that
euphoria and those moments of sheer joy.
That period redefined the list that made the mark.
That late afternoon, when you wore that simple shirt,
nothing to distract me from your kind smile.

Or was it the attention you gave that drew me?
Those understanding windows.
Repeatedly, until we were attuned to each other.
Distinct individuals with small moments of eye contact.

I saw you again.
And that friendly smile,
and a reciprocal smile.

If only I really knew you.
And if you knew what my smile meant.




What a good poem.

Try reliquishing, you'll gain more.

Emotion is on a roller coaster ride.
very happy and high on Mon,Tue,Wed.
And suddenly I fall from the peak all the way to the bottom.
Worse still, I can't give a loud damn shout to express how much I dislike this feeling.
I've always believe in doing things wholeheartedly cos like what they've always said ," you reap what you sow." I don't want to spent my time in exchange for lamentable,halfhearted results.

But you impacted me so much.
Maybe not that much.
Maybe just a little.
Because I still laugh at people's joke and continue my daily, normal life.
I am not sad.
Sad is such a definite word and doesn't show the kind of mix feelings I am experiencing.
I only want to study.
To let my covetousness for knowledge and results overcome the part of me who constantly is thinking of you.
But i feel like an attention-seeking despot suffering from a serious case of attention deficit disorder, or a chocoholic who can't have his chocolate which is placed right in front of him.
You are exactly my brand of Heroin, but I am gonna kick it.


My old/new commitments will divert my attention,I want to be successful (who doesn't?),I want to spend more time with myself to understand myself more.Create more challenges for myself to test my limits.I want to create a new body for myself, strain my body push it to the limits and challenge the impossible. I want to grow,not physically but mentally and spiritually, not mourn everyday and sulk.That doesn't help and I'll only make myself look like an emotional,inscrutable wretch.
This is just like the withdrawal symptoms smokers face when they are quitting.
It will be over soon after they pop a few Mint Mentos i guess.





whatever written above can sometimes be just bullshit.
sometimes I can be such an ass, posting all these and still look forward to seeing him tonight. ha! girls~~
whatever it is, stay happy and positive.
Suddenly I miss all my girls so much.

Went to the gynecologist today.
Oh and he happens to be the one who see my mummy through labour when I was born!
so cool right?
Well, he said that everything's fine and he excluded the possibility of an infection.
And i was instructed to avoid all kinds of sweet stuffs..ranging from desserts to Milo and not even fruit juice.I really dunno if i am up for it. oh~~

Anyway , I had my first vaccination called the "GARDASIL" today. still got 2 more to go!
it's the one that prevents cervical cancer , and it costs a bomb.
my left arm is like kinda weak now.. hope it will be okay by tmr cos there's napfa test !




Okay , shall stop here and study for tmr's probability test.



Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
--Philippians 4:8

I realized that there's nothing much to be happy about.
I am nothing after all.

March Holidays are coming to an end.
I am all geared up so
BRING IT ON!

以为蒙上了眼睛，就可以看不见这个世界；
以为捂住了耳朵，就可以听不到所有的烦恼；
以为脚步停了下来，心就可以不再远行；
以为我需要的爱情，只是一个拥抱。

Feels sooooo good to go jogging when everyone is sleeping!
Went for a 45 min jog last night at 10pm, with my new downloaded songs!
sweat it all out ! shiok !
covered quite a distance!
challenge myself a longer one next time :D

I dunno when will it starts feeling alright again.
Maybe later.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe by the end of the year.
Maybe never ever.

Boy I know what are you thinking.
You are as unsure as me : What to do now will be the best?
Whatever decisions you make, I'll follow, without even questioning.
Because I trust you in making the best decision.
And I trust you in deciding what's good for me.
If in the case where the simplest form of friendship is impossible, then let it go.
I am tired.I don't wanna keep saying things like"I give up" and actually still aches in my heart.
I am clear of what and how to achieve my goals now.
you can be sure that I'll be fine.


May God bless you in all the things you do.
Stay firm in your beliefs and do as you promised God and yourself.
Thanks for being such a great friend of mine.

Priorities

Manifold reasons for me to disqualify myself from the audition.

• Sore throat.
• No time.
• Can't download the right -1 track
• What's AJI when your result sucks?

Haha and nope i do not regret giving up this chance.
Just ain't the right time.
YAY! now i can have my chocolates,chill,curry,peanut butter,cookies, and coffee!
Life is already so difficult with all the endless arduous tasks , why make it so bland and restricted?




My time should be well bestowed, not wasted.
Lowest Opportunity Cost incurred :)

十四天后
希望我会忘记你。

I will remember you always.

Normally,at this point in time,I will be dying of heartache and drowning in tears.
But apparently I am not.
Maybe I didn't really fall in love?
I am not sure anymore,it doesn't matter now.

My heart ached a little when your message came, the first time you showed me that you need me.It aches not because I had to leave, it aches because I know it's codependency and not love, not like how I feel towards you.From your last message, I know this is the end of our friendship,because you gave up after I take a step back.
This is gonna hurt, but I am all cushioned.I protected myself subconsciously.

Let time ease everything.I have my dreams,you have your plans for the future.
unhealthy relationships spoil all plans and smash dreams.
Ironic isn't it?
we require the company of each other but things just don't work out.
I am sure I can get you out of my mind, albeit unwillingly,
because firstly,I can't give without expecting returns,you are just unable to reciprocate my love.
Secondly,I don't see a point of staking my future with something so abstract and uncertain,something that seems to exist and not exist at the same time.
Thirdly,I know that you won't, and never will, love me back.If there's even hope,I'll hang on there.But no, I am not positive.I won't be, and have no responsibility to be there for you always.To have dinner with you even if I've already eaten,to buy you herbal tea when you are down with fever,to jeopardize my study plans and rush back home from school just to see you for 30mins.
Lastly,I want to sin no more,we will be condemned and persecuted by Him soon if this continues.

Let's cool down.
You will be fine.
I will be okay.
Things will go back to normal as I 100percent devote myself to studying for A lvls.


you were a great friend, soul mate.But not suitable as a lover.
Thanks for cheering me up when I was down and discouraged.
Thanks for being there to help in my studies.
Thanks for all the wonderful memories you left.
Thanks for teaching me a lot of things and changing how I view life.
Thanks for motivating me all the time.
Thanks for making me laugh all the time we went out together.
Thanks for your reminders that life is fragile, live and give while you can, be grateful that you're alive now.
Last but not least, Thanks for showing me the way to get closer to Father Lord.

You will be the standard.
In the future, every guy i meet will inevitably be compared to you,and will likely be inferior.
I see a bleak future in terms of relationships.


I will remember you always.

I am in trouble.
life is in a mess.
I am losing control , losing grip.
I am still not doing anything to make sure things turn out fine.
I am still having fun all day.
I am going to fail everything if this continue.
I need someone to talk some sense into me.
I can't do it alone.
I've tried.

I am so lucky to find someone who clicks so much with me :)
what a dream come true.








Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentines' day everyone!
God bless ya!

A promise to myself:
I am going to study hard and do all that I can to achieve what I want.



Math is not going to be standing in the way.
I won't allow that to happen.
and organic chemistry is easy.
It's only memory work.
can't be that hard.















It all lies in the mind.
stay positive.
work hard.

I have no idea why
I've got no idea how



u make me smile all the time
:)







continue dreaming

White Horse Lyrics

Say you’re sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
‘Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holdin’ on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should’ve known, I should’ve known

That I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings;
Now I know

I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I’m so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it’s too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It’s too late
To catch me now.

I am thinking of buying treats for 2309 for vday and cny!
what should i get?!
life has been the same , rewind play , rewind play , rewind play.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
boreddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
oh yeah and just being random , i think singlish's cool ! :D











if you prefer to shut away,
be my guest.
CAN'T YOU SEE I AM TIRED

Everyone knows how to complicate things
but it seriously takes the smart ones to simplify complicated matters.





I am still trying to learn
to practice what I've preached.

什么也不想。
好累。

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever











I think of you whenever I was left alone
whenever it starts ,I cry on my own.
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever.

no time to deal with emotional stuffs.
STRESS!





I just feel like singing my lungs out now :(

Can I have 42 hours a day instead?

I am so tired every single day that I can't feel myself anymore.
screw that Coco for creating mess for me to clear up after him.
and damn i think I've got lots of revision to be done , especially chemistry.
oh yeah and don't say I kaisu, just bought a whole set of Bio Prelim papers from other JCs.
I am just trying to add some stress to myself to spur me on.
I got no motivation. and no time . and no life .
I am so busy every single day that I don't know what's happening around me anymore.

okay enough of emo-thingy.
Saw Wb's blog posts in 2007 . The msn one . laugh till my sides hurts . Sound like some puppy love! :D OPPS! SORRY ~ well that was 2007 lah. haha i think it never crossed his mind that I can be so Kpo and resourceful ..MUAHAHAHAHA..







I told 'cha long before what's gonna happen, and I am not surprised at all.
reminder to self: whatever it is,stay unaffected.

One fine saturday morning

okayy.
The moment i started writing this post , my brother who is sleeping on the bed behind me just farted.great.

This week has been so busy!
Well , today's flag day is cancelled due to poor responses.
I am now all prepared to go RP and mug , after which will be going Ion to shop with Jennifer and Jy and will be eating dinner with Pw mates tonight :D
WE ARE BONDED SEE!?

ran 2.4km twice this week.
timing 14:10 which is 13secs slower than last year.
and it's 10 secs to an A -_-
gonna run faster next PE.





oh dunno how will Pw ppl react tonight,seeing me first time with my make up :x

-agree with Merlyn Jie that Baby breath are so beautiful! :)
-Coco loves BBQ chicken wings!
-stop raining please!
-Why do I always see Cory leaving school earlier than me? Susan Leong doesn't like me :(

Show time!

Hi dear all,
my fb account is deactivated so you all will no longer see the noisy adelyn on fb.
fb is too time consuming and addictive.
I am not going to risk my A levels and being controlled by a social network -.-
okay so i 狠心 closed it :(

well..it's temporary, i'll be back i promise , perhaps during holidays or what.
and this blog is gonna be updated at most once a week.at most , i stress.






I am turning on my engine.
and i am serious.
I will show you what Adelyn is made up of.

The very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.

你是否想过 你现在正在忙得一切 到底是为了什么？
每个人都向着目标迈进 虽然每个人要的都不同。
你的生命， 有你去决定应该是怎样。
若它失败，你却又努力过， 那你没错。
可如果它败在你空想却不做， 或根本懒得去想，那么。。我看不起你。

每个人都有理想吧？就算我们不谈"AMBITION"这么遥远，这么强的字眼， 那在人生的每个阶段，总也有个目标 ， “AIM" 吧？

发明星梦的 努力学唱歌，跳舞，演戏
想做lifeguard 就去报名life saving courses.
要拿车的驾照 就去读theory, 学， 然后考
要当兵的 就去train up.
要花钱， 就要去赚钱
想考大学的 努力读书，练习，去fine tune 一切的不完美
知道自己要什么的人 就去追求想要的东西
不知道自己要什么的人 就去寻找 打听 想想 “我的目标是什么?”
现在的自己 是不是应该在做些什么？ 有些东西 ， 现在不做， 以后就没有时间，精力， 机会去做。
不现在开始追求你想要的，你会后悔吗？
相信我， 你会。

我们的年龄， 什么都没有， 最多的就是我刚刚说的：
时间，精力， 机会。
坐着不想的人， 注定什么也没有；
想了不去做的人，永远只差成功那么一小步。

希望自己快快长大， 也要懂大人的世界是怎么处理问题。
要拥有一个人， 也要给她看到你有资格。

Ambitious
decisiveness
diligence
enthusiasm
perseverance
maturity
self discipline
self confidence
self control.

这样就有资格。

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”-Thomas Jefferson


“I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?" -General George S. Patton

I like it the way it is now :)









you said when you are talking to me, you will not lie.
i trust that.

why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so near to Monday?
There's PE tmrw! gonna sweat like mad.

and OMG last week i spent only 2.70$ on food in school.
how incredible is that :D
I am a super bread woman surviving on bread alone!
I wanna save a lot a lot of money :D That's my new aim!




冷暴力搞定你治好你的病

I have no idea why I am so angry over such a small matter.
Put myself in your shoes.
I think, will be better.













Every time you start emoing

I am being totally KPO.

I've got two girlfriends , let's call them A and B.
Both A and B have been complaining to me about their boyfriends these days and coincidentally , both of them quarreled with their bfs yesterday.
Their situations are very different from one another though.

A's situation:
"my bf changed!", she claimed.
"He used to chat with me over the phone till I am willing to go to bed and he doesn't do that anymore. When I wanna talk to him he goes "can i go to sleep? i am very tired already can i go to sleep?!" "
A also told me that his bf is being paranoid. Everytime she asked about his whereabout and plans later , he'll be very frustrated and goes "You think I wanna be at this XXX meh? I also dunwan one what it's just that they caught me for meeting what can i do ! is it my fault!!!??? " or "you can don't ask not!? can you give me some time of my own?!"


A few months ago, A was seen talking happily over the phone every break/lunch time，I still remember that time I was quite "OMG" with her 撒娇content over the phone. It seems like the guy is finally losing interest in this superglue relationship already.Not entirely his fault i guess.
A said she did asked her bf in the past if he finds her too "sticky" , but her bf said "NVM i like"
I think A doesn't know that it means "I don't mind now because you are my new gf and you are so cute" That does not mean he's gonna be like that forever. you can't expect a guy to treat you the same way like how he had treated you in the honeymoon period after like..say 3years.
Obviously A's relationship is not 3year old, in fact , i heard 28th this month is their 1year anniversary. Their honeymoon period lasted for like 8months , which from my point of view is already considerably long.(My past relationship don't even last 3months , not to mention honeymoon period)
A cannot accept it when i told her the fact : Guys change in a relationship once the honeymoon period is over. It's just a matter of how long or short it is. You can't expect him to remain the same(that's only possible if your bf is Kenneth). So long as he remains not-too-bad , you are considered quite lucky already.
Don't stick around too much , leave him alone to think about it ..and for you to think about it.


B's situation:
"He keeps on accusing me that I do not care about him because I don't talk to him over the phone at night everyday like how I used to"
B is busy with a lot of school work and her CCA is hectic , I bet she's like me , sleep deprived.
she told me this morning that " he called me ytd ask why can't I chat with him and help share some of him problems.. wth I am so busy I don't even have time for myself and I can't even solve my own problems where on earth do i find time to share his problem?!"

my stand is : B is at wrong.
B shouldn't have talked to him over the phone every night in the past.
you are spoiling him and now he has got the habit of talking to you every night before you turn in to bed , and any phone conversations at any other time of the day does not count.(wtf? too demanding and immature?)
It's not his fault that he needs someone to share his problems. B is his gf and that is indeed her job. But her bf could have been more understanding , her gf is dying of exhaustion already do you still bear to have her stay up late just to listen to your complaints ? Everyone has problems,why not solve them yourself instead of adding more burden to someone's life?

I think I am more like B.
Being possessive is such a nono
not chatting over the phone for a few days is not going to kill anyone.
The relationship is already almost 3 years old.
It should be stable and not easily affected by such minor stuffs, yet the guy acts like a pussy and kicking a fuss over it.
okay, if she's your new gf maybe still understandable.
perhaps B understands the theory more:
The better you treat a guy, the more you stick around , the more sick he will be of you(sooner of later).
The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.-Dr. Robert Anthony

This is funny. Two girls , completely different personality in love.
one bo chup , one chup too much.

-A's bf already apologised , but B and I asked her not to forgive him so easily.
-B told me she agreed to be his gf because her mom likes this guy. which totally doesn't make sense. Ask your mom to go steady with this guy instead.

update!

face everything with a smile! :D
today my mood is beautiful !Because I finally can get to go home earlier than any other days of the week ..and that means.. I can sleep early tonight!!!!!! YAY! Adelyn's such a sleep deprived sadist :(

I had so much energy during PE today that I TRULY RAN .
haha 1+6 rounds today!
next week onwards there's "pre-napfa".
I think AJ PE department is out to get us.
whatever..it's nice to sweat it all out anyways :)





One super old picture that's in my phone and not uploaded. Oh glynis is so cute with bangs!

My fresh blood.My finger bled today :( me and my itchy hands..
BUT.
Blood makes me excited.
(okay , this sounds SO sick)


-FJY ,when are we going to go to science centre ?! before the thing's gone!!! :(

it's 7.47pm.
8pm I am so going to do my bio tutorial , because teacher wants it by tmrw.
Why am i doing all the last minute thingy this year? OMG cannot cannot ><"
stop procrastinating.

My left eye is twitching really fast right now.
something good gonna happen ? :D
maybe Bio rep will sms me at 7.59pm and say Bio tutorial deadline is next week instead.
haha. FAT HOPE.

I feel like a glutton today.
I ate so much carbohydrate today. bread , bread , bread , biscuits , bun ,
I AM GOING TO GROW FAT LIKE THIS.
now conference with lynn , zk and kok .
this bunch is crazy. LOL!

for my 细水长流

i am so happy for you my dear!
i hope your love blossom!
he's kinda cute too :)
i dun know why but i feel happy inside , for you :D hope things work!

very first day of school

late on the very first day of school , thanks to a last-minute stomachache.
school was .. .. great.
i can see the year 2010 is a very tiring one.
god damn it.
now it's 12.50am and I have not even started my bio tutorial which is DUE TMR.
haven memorize chemistry which is TESTED TMR. and to hell with maclaurin's series.
i am all breathless after the 2.4km run. it proves that stamina don't last through the holidays.
I feel the stress rolling in , on the very first day of school.


I wanted to mug , so badly.
Not because i love mugging , it's because it provides a sense of security.
I remained silent and kept a distance , for a reason no one will understand.

我有说不出口的苦衷。
making things simple right now is the best for me.
I've got many tasks ahead.




也许保持一段好的距离会比较好， 对你 ， 对我。

I don't look at your eyes because you always look hurt.

Match making session :)

went out with Wb,Zk(ZiKang) and lynn ytd !:)
we went K box at cineleisure 8th floor.
I woke up at 7am in the morning just to do some boring household chores and only started preparing myself for the Matchmaking session,for AHEM AHEM the two of them, at 11.30am.
As usual, I was late.That's not a thing worth to mention right? It will only be a BIG thing if I am NOT late. Lynn and I got so high after 2 house whiskey(is it whiskey? i can't rmb , lynn ordered it) each..okay maybe not that high, but good enough to make us scream and be hack care about unglam-ness.

after which we went Spinelli at Heeren because lynn said she wants cheesecake.
I had iced chocolate and we played Big2.
This is how the game goes, when someone finished off his/her last card, the one with the most card among the rest will be the loser.
Loser will be playing truth or dare.The thing is that you can't choose,you have to alternate between the two (for e.g. if the last time you lost you played truth, then the second time u lose you will have to play dare)
And i thought I was made a fool cause my dare was the most daring one . the others all hum ji.

I was made to go to the street (around the O chang'kee there) with around 20 spinelli customers infront of me and shout across them all such that maniacs from MY TABLE can hear me shouting"我很开心！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！ "

THE TRUTH IS THAT 我一点都不开心！！！！！
EVERYONE(i swear it was everyone , every single customer of spinelli , was looking at me)
WTF?!

lol i did it anyway.
At the end of it still got some ppl cheer for me :D
Who is that kind soul? I want your number ! lol!
That's really a test of my limit, but after ytd night i think my limit can be pushed further. haha..
(and actually i shouted "孔纹彬, 我很开心！！" )
another dare was to la ji with.....wb?!?!?!
LOL I know WB will not agree so i told lynn "i okay one but u see the other part not willing i no choice" (haha i very 贱 just like that escape from one dare)

actually wanted WB to do the same thing I did, just that he had to shout
"I AM A VIRGIN!" instead.

But we got so paiseh for him even before he shouts, in the end ask him come back to the table we change dare for him. haha! so instead of shouting across the cafe , he was made to go to the other table of 4 teenage girls and tell them "I am a virgin!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! that's not as embarrassing right ?
Lynn was made to finish off half her cheesecake in 2 bites. and that's like super 放水？！Grrr..unfair! should have asked her to pluck her fake lashes down on the spot(since she said her make up ytd was PERFECT.) i should have asked her to remove her lashes on one eye and leave the other untouched. I think that will look hilarious *Evil grins*
The game ended with Wb and Zk drinking our homemade-left over iced chocolate and latte.
haha i heard my special brew was more disgusting than lynn's even though she added alot more things in.
haha this is what i call pro :P
Zk drank mine --> Iced chocolate blended with alot of Tabasco sauce,salt, black pepper and my fav spice , cinnamon powder. I tried cinnamon bread before and it suck so badly that I've since ban cinnamon in my food. The guys had a good wash of their stomach and intestines after drinking that , more high than drinking whiskey! :D

Then, we went to Mac at LP, and chat quite a little.
Suddenly we started the arm wrestling competition.okay, Wb is the strongest , but I am not the weakest okay ? Lynn is :) (I got muscle one!)
oh and i need to apologize(though not sincerely because you told me to and it's because you did that to wb also) to zikang for removing KOK from the no.1 rank in the slappers list.
DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME! 我打人可是啪啪响 ，不痛不打 :D


Wb sent me to the doorstep just because i said i wanted to walk home.
Sweet stuffs no need to share right? it's only for me and myself (:
All i can say is Wb is a 木头。



-off to do homework(it's Friday alr omg!)
-photos are available on FB!

Bro leaving for US at 3am!
:( OMG so 舍不得。
The house only mum and me left..
so weird.
the house used to be so crowded.
even dad's room is all cleared up and painted, what's left is a wardrobe.
I'll be taking care of mum,Coco，household chores, and studies.
I can,I will.


聽媽媽的話　別讓她受傷
想快快長大　才能保護她

-I am starting to look forward to school reopening, I feel like mugging madly now. god help me I'm sick.

I don't like this.
I feel so controlled now.
I can't breathe.
Can I just run and not look back ?

update

Mum's toe bone broken ..again.
There's work for her tmr and maybe i have to be there to help her out and study at the same time.
This is getting kinda crazy and stressful.
My homework all not yet done and there's so many things that needs me to be around.
*(*#%^@#%!#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
escape from the namo amitabha thingy one third through the whole session today.
This chanting session at expo hall 2 is crazy.
How long can their breath get?!?! sounds like R&B to me .
Supposed to end at 9.30pm , 三十六计 走为上策。





AHEM. I KNOW YOU JUST CHANGED YOUR BLOGSKIN.
and it is very loud.
*paiseh*
omg and I am sorry am i the one that caused you to sleep so late ytd ?
Sorry I dozed off & you know what ? you should be angry about it, although i know that you won't.
you will never get angry at me.<- good point and bad point at the same time.

ohkay! dad's room gonna get painted all over again.
Most of the things disappeared.
great. one week's effort paid off.


-need to cut my fringe, I am very irritated.
A curtain is covering my world and that sucks.
(finally understand how jieying feels)



let me spend my remaining one week the way i want it to be , please.

slack my whole day off today.
so annoyed with P&C!!!
@#%*o&^#$%!@$!!!

There's f*cking lots of homework untouched.
don't even dare think of revision.
OMG how to start JC2 ?!?!?!?!
and i am starting to gain weight.. T.T
i think i should give myself a list of new year resolution.
hmmm.. yes i should.
but before that , i should go and finish P&C tutorial .
Tonight , P&C , 跟你拼个你死我活！








当每个人问起你，我的心 怪怪的

有缘的话 一定会在一起

I don't know if I've hurt you by giving you a glimpse of hope in the past.
After several thoughts, I decided that it is only right to devote myself to my studies this year,2010.
If you understood what I've said, you will know it's all for your own good.
I don't want to disappoint someone so nice.
If you were those 臭男人 around me, I would have just tell them to back off.
but you are different.

I asked Ma why our relatives and herself seem to like you a lot.
Ma said " he's the kind of guy that will wait for you quietly, help you quietly, accompany you quietly no matter you are sick or sad. This kind of guy.. good."
I would want you to know,
you are such a nice person.
So nice that it takes me a lot of time to think of explanations to my decision.

You accompanied me when I was ill,
you showered me with care and love.
You sat silently by my side when you know I am torn apart because of dad's sudden death,
you looked at me in the eyes but you don't speak, and yet it tells a lot.

"All i want to let you know is that i am here for you, whenever you need me.
even if you need me for five minutes to let you rant on life, on stuff that has been bad for you."

Anything.

I will do anything you make you happy.

You are a good guy.A really good guy.
And I can't bear to let you wait for it is equivalent to sufferings.
I know that tying you down will be very tiring, for both of us.
I want to put in my 100%, as i said, it's my responsibility.

Waiting would means spending a year of your life. ONE FULL YEAR.
it's not as easy as you think it would be.
Along the way, you will lose interest because of the increasing distance.
You will start to doubt yourself and your decision to wait for me.
You will be put off because I won't be able to find time for myself, much less for you.
You will get disappointed gradually.
And I can't bear to let someone who treated me so well endure such emotional trauma.No I can't.

I have no confidence in myself.
I can't promise I'll be there after a year.
So I told you , you are free to go.
I can't promise to give you anything in return and it will be too selfish to keep you hanging there.
I understand there is a limit to everything.
If we are not meant to be,even if you insist on waiting, someone or something will still pull you away from the track which leads to me.If we are meant to be, a year would be no big deal, and nothing in this world can interfere with this affinity between us.

Ma said something which I thought made sense.
I can't tell you for it distorts your decision making.
she ended with " ...只有这种男人， 你要紧紧抓住"
我懂了。



-thanks for being so supportive, attentive , considerate, gentle and loving :) there's no need for us to say so many things , time tells.