有缘的话 一定会在一起

I don't know if I've hurt you by giving you a glimpse of hope in the past.
After several thoughts, I decided that it is only right to devote myself to my studies this year,2010.
If you understood what I've said, you will know it's all for your own good.
I don't want to disappoint someone so nice.
If you were those 臭男人 around me, I would have just tell them to back off.
but you are different.

I asked Ma why our relatives and herself seem to like you a lot.
Ma said " he's the kind of guy that will wait for you quietly, help you quietly, accompany you quietly no matter you are sick or sad. This kind of guy.. good."
I would want you to know,
you are such a nice person.
So nice that it takes me a lot of time to think of explanations to my decision.

You accompanied me when I was ill,
you showered me with care and love.
You sat silently by my side when you know I am torn apart because of dad's sudden death,
you looked at me in the eyes but you don't speak, and yet it tells a lot.

"All i want to let you know is that i am here for you, whenever you need me.
even if you need me for five minutes to let you rant on life, on stuff that has been bad for you."

Anything.

I will do anything you make you happy.

You are a good guy.A really good guy.
And I can't bear to let you wait for it is equivalent to sufferings.
I know that tying you down will be very tiring, for both of us.
I want to put in my 100%, as i said, it's my responsibility.

Waiting would means spending a year of your life. ONE FULL YEAR.
it's not as easy as you think it would be.
Along the way, you will lose interest because of the increasing distance.
You will start to doubt yourself and your decision to wait for me.
You will be put off because I won't be able to find time for myself, much less for you.
You will get disappointed gradually.
And I can't bear to let someone who treated me so well endure such emotional trauma.No I can't.

I have no confidence in myself.
I can't promise I'll be there after a year.
So I told you , you are free to go.
I can't promise to give you anything in return and it will be too selfish to keep you hanging there.
I understand there is a limit to everything.
If we are not meant to be,even if you insist on waiting, someone or something will still pull you away from the track which leads to me.If we are meant to be, a year would be no big deal, and nothing in this world can interfere with this affinity between us.

Ma said something which I thought made sense.
I can't tell you for it distorts your decision making.
she ended with " ...只有这种男人， 你要紧紧抓住"
我懂了。



-thanks for being so supportive, attentive , considerate, gentle and loving :) there's no need for us to say so many things , time tells.