CREDITS: http://purefancy.blogspot.com/


"Infatuation"

Those first few glances irked me
but when you drew closer, I saw that gleam in
those eyes, those understanding windows,
a turbulent rush of emotions,
sorrow amongst many, windows
to another entity altogether.

You remind me of someone
I once knew.

But people tend to like the same kind of people,
not for the people they once knew.

Those defined jaws of strength, and that
euphoria and those moments of sheer joy.
That period redefined the list that made the mark.
That late afternoon, when you wore that simple shirt,
nothing to distract me from your kind smile.

Or was it the attention you gave that drew me?
Those understanding windows.
Repeatedly, until we were attuned to each other.
Distinct individuals with small moments of eye contact.

I saw you again.
And that friendly smile,
and a reciprocal smile.

If only I really knew you.
And if you knew what my smile meant.




What a good poem.

Try reliquishing, you'll gain more.

Emotion is on a roller coaster ride.
very happy and high on Mon,Tue,Wed.
And suddenly I fall from the peak all the way to the bottom.
Worse still, I can't give a loud damn shout to express how much I dislike this feeling.
I've always believe in doing things wholeheartedly cos like what they've always said ," you reap what you sow." I don't want to spent my time in exchange for lamentable,halfhearted results.

But you impacted me so much.
Maybe not that much.
Maybe just a little.
Because I still laugh at people's joke and continue my daily, normal life.
I am not sad.
Sad is such a definite word and doesn't show the kind of mix feelings I am experiencing.
I only want to study.
To let my covetousness for knowledge and results overcome the part of me who constantly is thinking of you.
But i feel like an attention-seeking despot suffering from a serious case of attention deficit disorder, or a chocoholic who can't have his chocolate which is placed right in front of him.
You are exactly my brand of Heroin, but I am gonna kick it.


My old/new commitments will divert my attention,I want to be successful (who doesn't?),I want to spend more time with myself to understand myself more.Create more challenges for myself to test my limits.I want to create a new body for myself, strain my body push it to the limits and challenge the impossible. I want to grow,not physically but mentally and spiritually, not mourn everyday and sulk.That doesn't help and I'll only make myself look like an emotional,inscrutable wretch.
This is just like the withdrawal symptoms smokers face when they are quitting.
It will be over soon after they pop a few Mint Mentos i guess.





whatever written above can sometimes be just bullshit.
sometimes I can be such an ass, posting all these and still look forward to seeing him tonight. ha! girls~~
whatever it is, stay happy and positive.
Suddenly I miss all my girls so much.

Went to the gynecologist today.
Oh and he happens to be the one who see my mummy through labour when I was born!
so cool right?
Well, he said that everything's fine and he excluded the possibility of an infection.
And i was instructed to avoid all kinds of sweet stuffs..ranging from desserts to Milo and not even fruit juice.I really dunno if i am up for it. oh~~

Anyway , I had my first vaccination called the "GARDASIL" today. still got 2 more to go!
it's the one that prevents cervical cancer , and it costs a bomb.
my left arm is like kinda weak now.. hope it will be okay by tmr cos there's napfa test !




Okay , shall stop here and study for tmr's probability test.



Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
--Philippians 4:8

I realized that there's nothing much to be happy about.
I am nothing after all.

March Holidays are coming to an end.
I am all geared up so
BRING IT ON!

以为蒙上了眼睛，就可以看不见这个世界；
以为捂住了耳朵，就可以听不到所有的烦恼；
以为脚步停了下来，心就可以不再远行；
以为我需要的爱情，只是一个拥抱。

Feels sooooo good to go jogging when everyone is sleeping!
Went for a 45 min jog last night at 10pm, with my new downloaded songs!
sweat it all out ! shiok !
covered quite a distance!
challenge myself a longer one next time :D

I dunno when will it starts feeling alright again.
Maybe later.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe by the end of the year.
Maybe never ever.

Boy I know what are you thinking.
You are as unsure as me : What to do now will be the best?
Whatever decisions you make, I'll follow, without even questioning.
Because I trust you in making the best decision.
And I trust you in deciding what's good for me.
If in the case where the simplest form of friendship is impossible, then let it go.
I am tired.I don't wanna keep saying things like"I give up" and actually still aches in my heart.
I am clear of what and how to achieve my goals now.
you can be sure that I'll be fine.


May God bless you in all the things you do.
Stay firm in your beliefs and do as you promised God and yourself.
Thanks for being such a great friend of mine.

Priorities

Manifold reasons for me to disqualify myself from the audition.

• Sore throat.
• No time.
• Can't download the right -1 track
• What's AJI when your result sucks?

Haha and nope i do not regret giving up this chance.
Just ain't the right time.
YAY! now i can have my chocolates,chill,curry,peanut butter,cookies, and coffee!
Life is already so difficult with all the endless arduous tasks , why make it so bland and restricted?




My time should be well bestowed, not wasted.
Lowest Opportunity Cost incurred :)

十四天后
希望我会忘记你。

I will remember you always.

Normally,at this point in time,I will be dying of heartache and drowning in tears.
But apparently I am not.
Maybe I didn't really fall in love?
I am not sure anymore,it doesn't matter now.

My heart ached a little when your message came, the first time you showed me that you need me.It aches not because I had to leave, it aches because I know it's codependency and not love, not like how I feel towards you.From your last message, I know this is the end of our friendship,because you gave up after I take a step back.
This is gonna hurt, but I am all cushioned.I protected myself subconsciously.

Let time ease everything.I have my dreams,you have your plans for the future.
unhealthy relationships spoil all plans and smash dreams.
Ironic isn't it?
we require the company of each other but things just don't work out.
I am sure I can get you out of my mind, albeit unwillingly,
because firstly,I can't give without expecting returns,you are just unable to reciprocate my love.
Secondly,I don't see a point of staking my future with something so abstract and uncertain,something that seems to exist and not exist at the same time.
Thirdly,I know that you won't, and never will, love me back.If there's even hope,I'll hang on there.But no, I am not positive.I won't be, and have no responsibility to be there for you always.To have dinner with you even if I've already eaten,to buy you herbal tea when you are down with fever,to jeopardize my study plans and rush back home from school just to see you for 30mins.
Lastly,I want to sin no more,we will be condemned and persecuted by Him soon if this continues.

Let's cool down.
You will be fine.
I will be okay.
Things will go back to normal as I 100percent devote myself to studying for A lvls.


you were a great friend, soul mate.But not suitable as a lover.
Thanks for cheering me up when I was down and discouraged.
Thanks for being there to help in my studies.
Thanks for all the wonderful memories you left.
Thanks for teaching me a lot of things and changing how I view life.
Thanks for motivating me all the time.
Thanks for making me laugh all the time we went out together.
Thanks for your reminders that life is fragile, live and give while you can, be grateful that you're alive now.
Last but not least, Thanks for showing me the way to get closer to Father Lord.

You will be the standard.
In the future, every guy i meet will inevitably be compared to you,and will likely be inferior.
I see a bleak future in terms of relationships.


I will remember you always.